I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
