we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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