I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You are a genius and a whore.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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