just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
