the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
