OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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