I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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