just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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