I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
