I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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