I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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