Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
