I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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