the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
