My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
