I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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