Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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