It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
