So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
