Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
