Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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