i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
