I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
