I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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