apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
