Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
