he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
