im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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