Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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