Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
