I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
