I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
