I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
