We're facebook friends in real life
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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