Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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