david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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