I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
