So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
