He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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