I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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