i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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