I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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