I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
