Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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