he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize