some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
