Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
