I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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