Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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