I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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