Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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