I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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