We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
