I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
