i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
