do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
