Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize