I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
