i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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