I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
