I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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