I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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