Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
