I think my fart just growled at me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
this hospital has no fireball
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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