i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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