True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
