just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
