Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
